Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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