dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I AM VODKA MAN
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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