so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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