so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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