what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
MIDGETS
????
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
