so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
