woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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