I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
