dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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