I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I got inside last night via doggy door
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
