I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
