Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
