sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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