I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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