im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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