I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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