kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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