how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
