margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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