I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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