i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I need to calm my uterus...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
