so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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