also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
