You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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