I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
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And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
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I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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