I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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