I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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