next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
