I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
