I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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