You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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