if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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