He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
