Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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