maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
how drunk are you?
Several
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
