he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
