Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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