I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My cat gives me a boner
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
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No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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