Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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