you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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