only if we run a train.
done.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
