totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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