he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
