Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
