lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
