Pants 0. Shit 1.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
