Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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