my sisters under your porch take her home
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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