I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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