i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's shark week go big or go home
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
