Whod you bang
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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