the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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