mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
