i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
smell my finger.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
