I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
