yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
