my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
