what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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