yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
