I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
