I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
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The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
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Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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