I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
