quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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