I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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