I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
