I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
