when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
