My sheets look like a crime scene.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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