Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
