I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
