why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
